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Musings on the 2013/14 Season (Part 2) - The Watergate Scandal
Written by geoffrey_squire on Wednesday, 25th Jun 2014 19:49

I've had a bit of a break since my last blog, but at my age my memory is going, my legs are stiff and there were plenty of Col U performances I'd rather forget. So yes, where was I? Yes, Rachel Riley on countdown and her conundrum 'EOVLLESGYL'. No that wasn't it - Rotherham away and the scandal that was 'Watergate'!

Rotherham was always on my list of away days for the 2013/14 season, as I was keen to visit the New York Stadium. If ever there was a competition for 'names of grounds that don't fit in with their location' then Rotherham would win hands down. Whoever thought of that name really needs to take a long hard look in the mirror. Surely ‘'lat cap and whippets' would have been a better name? In honour of such a name it was a day that I did actually choose to wear my flat cap. Not quite sure why as I still have a full head of hair unlike my travelling companions. Vicar Martz was the chief chauffeur for this trip and I chose to have a little look through his CD collection. With hits like "All Time Great Church Bell Anthems" I knew we were in for a treat. Mr G was also in tow along with Dan. Dan had brought his newfangled Tablet and spent his time playing Championship Manager or using his phone as a WiFi hub to stream unsuitable content.

It seemed in no time at all that we reached the desolate streets of Rotherham. We'd arrived in good time so much so that the Vicar managed to find a free parking spot right next to a bookies! What luck this was; not only could we park the car for free but also pick up our winnings when leaving Rotherham. We headed into the town centre and found a Whetherspoons pub to enjoy a few ales. There was beer festival on and I wasted no time in hitting the bar and drinking beer like it was water. After leaving the pub Mr G had his Greggs radar working and could be found heading straight to the sausage roll and pie counter!

Once we got into the ground one of the all time away scandals would occur. As I don't believe in paying over inflated prices for bottles of water, I always ask for a pint of good old tapalina. It's free and doesn't taste any different, so why not? However, on this occasion I was to be foiled. I walked up to the bar and asked the spotty young teenager for a pint of their finest tap water. Instantly shock and horror spread across the face of the distressed spotty assistant. I had caused the young fella to go in to melt down by asking for something that was not on the menu. As soon as his legs had stopped wobbling like jelly he walked over to his boss...

The boss, who had marginally less spots than my original serving teenager, came over to me to have a word. The conversation goes a little something like this:

"Hi, I understand you want some tap water?"

"Yes please"

"Well I'm sorry but we can't serve you tap water"

"Really? Why is that? I never have a problem at any other football stadia"

"That’s because it's not fresh, so I can't serve it to you"

"Are you sure?" I enquire, I then add "but this is a brand new ground, you must have tap water"

"We do but it's not fresh. I think the water in the toilets in fresh. I can't serve you any here so if you want to drink water you'll need to drink from the toilet".

Well let me tell you, my jaw dropped to the floor like a lead balloon. Was this kid being serious? Had he really told me to drink from the toilet? The answer was he had! I tried to remonstrate but the marginally less spotty manager was having none of it.

Clearly furious I took my seat and also took to twitter and unleashed a diatribe of abuse at the Rotherham FC official twitter account. Dan being a stickler for rules and regulations jumped in. "Here Squire, I've just checked the relevant laws and on page 232 paragraph 3 section 2.1 all venues that have an alcohol licence must also be able to provide fresh tap water". Let me tell you this sent me in to even more of a rage!

So what about the match? Well, my good friend Cian Bolger was playing at the heart of the defence. His clown like performance was ripe for a lashing from my tongue following the 'Watergate' scandal. Still, just when I thought my day was going to be ruined up popped the fat Jamie Cureton aka Elliot Lee, to knick a last gasp goal to make it all square at 2-2. We’d robbed Rotherham blind as we got absolutely battered in that game. But as far as I was concerned it was the least they deserved the-toilet-drinking-recommending-flat-cap-jessies.

To celebrate we called in to Morrisons on the way home and I stocked up on beers and a big bottle of water while Mr G stocked up on more pies.







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