Although I have not put it on my CV, I was once an employee of JD Wetherspoons for about four hours!

Yes indeed siree! I have the distinction of attending an induction at one of their airport outlets and watching a video of CEO Tim Martin (pictured) recalling his time as a failed law-student and taking over a run-down London boozer and renaming it after one of his tutors.

Although I chose not to start there in the end (a better job came up closer to home and I would have had to move to Birmingham to join Tim's empire -perish the thought!). Graciously they even paid me the national-min wage x four hours for my Sven-esque infidelity and wasting their time! Nor can I argue about the success story of Wetherspoons. Their cheap and cheerful branding packs em in and presence gives long-term sickness benefit claimants somewhere to converge (sometimes as early as 7am) - an undeniable service to the most disadvantaged members of our community given the amount of parked-up invalidity scooters and old men in dirty cheap anoraks puffing away outside on a daily basis!

During last-weeks sabattical, me and the Mrs sojourned to the St Helen's branch "The Glasshouse" - the grim Merseyside town is famous for Glass-making. That is what I like about Wetherspoons, they capture the imagination of the local community by renaming the pubs or moving into old buildings. For example my local Wethers is called the Monkey Walk as the area on where it stands was famed for a "courting" method whereby lads n lasses would parade on opposite sides of the street checking-out anyone who caught their fancy...the rest they say is history and every so often the local paper will feature golden wedding anniversary stories where two toothless old crones in their 90's and probably in sheltered-housing can just about recall the night they met on the Monkey Walk.

Despite my crassness towards the elderly, such wonderful stories make such a refreshing change from the cesspit of tabloid sodomy we find ourselves entrenched in these days and not forgetting "the facebook generation" who believe it is capable to be "in a relationship" with another doomed, moody, emo without actually having met them, exchanged bodily fluids or even being on the same side of the Atlantic ocean.

However I digress and if you are still with me, you may be thinking what the fuck has this inane rambling got to do with Leeds United? Well whilst I was waiting for my Pork-Pie less Ploughmans in St Helens, I was reading Wetherspoons free magazine and Tim has set-up a department to source potential new pubs and invites the reader to contact them if there are any suitable buildings in their locality that dear Tim can muscle in on, gobble up for a song and then transform into yet another watering-hole.

When I went up to ER for last season's 4-1 win over MK Don's, unusually I came into the stadium via Holbeck and I was shocked and saddened at the plight of the Spotted Cow and Kings Head. Both were boozers I can remember being very live and active on a match-day, both now stood derelict condemned to an uncertain future - they may have already gone like the hated tower-blocks. Normally I arrive at ER via Beeston.

Maybe Tim could save them? if not then what about the beautiful old red-bricked library, not far from the Commercial Hotel (although I would not wish to hurt the business of Leeds' legendary pint puller hot-shot Peter Lorimer!).

During recent nights of sleepnesses (the pressure of life and losing to a side containing Robbie Bastard Savage), I have even toyed with some good names for Wetherspoon's Holbeck...

1- The Kenneth William

Hmmm may be confused with a camp, Carry-On now sadly deceased comedian. I could feel a potential law-suit coming on as Ken is prickly as far as the pub-industry goes - he was not impressed with the Leeds' fans buy out of the Old Peacock after all! Marketing-wise, such a pub would be open to exploit fans in an almost unashamededly Ryanair fashion - like charging for hand towels, toilet rolls and drink straws. The fans would soon tire of this.

2- Howard's Way

Again more possible legal objections given that there is a bar at ER named after our title-winning manager and present Sheffield Wednesday chairman. Could be flawed, expect a stream of products heading north from Sheffield - such as Henderson's relish and Stones' bitter plus anything French would definitely be off the menu.

3- Blackies Bar

Another former boss honoured. Wetherspoon's feature products from around the world, such as Curry Nights, exotic beers and they proclaim to have made Swedish Pear Cider fashionable when once upon a time it was known as Perry and drunk only by tramps and school-fete tombola winning Grandma's. After Leeds gave him the boot, Kevin Blackwell proudly stated that he had trawled the world and learned off some of the best coaches in the business. Having plyed his education to such devastating effect at Kenilworth Road and Bramall Lane, the jury is very much out on Fat Kev - brilliant or bullshitter, you decide?

4- O'Leary's

Conscious that this article is rambling on now too much, so I will end with a hat-trick of potential pub's named after our ex-Managers. Not sure about this one, sounds more like it should be part of one of those awful Irish theme pubs staffed by Poles. Underaged drinking may also be a problem and student nights are definitely a no-no.

What do you think? Can you come up with any suggestions for a Wetherspoon's venue near ER or a name. Let us know or even email their head of property Jon Randall at:

jrandall@jdwetherspoon.co.uk

Photo: Action Images

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