| This is what will happen 03:37 - Jan 13 with 3268 views | Glyn1 |
What’s going to happen: Sunday May 31st, 2014
And it’s a bright, spring day here in the Stadium of Light as Sunderland and the Swans run out on to the pitch for the final match of what has been a tumultuous season.
We now know who are the Premier League champions and two of the teams who will be relegated, so the only question left to decide is which of Sunderland and Cardiff will be the final team to drop out of the Premier League. Both Sunderland and Cardiff have 31 points, and both have a goal difference of minus 34. Who will go down depends on the result of this match in front of 49,000 passionate Sunderland fans, and simultaneously Cardiff’s match at home to Chelsea in front of 2,000 passionate fans and 25,000 others.
Swansea can be considered to have had a successful season. In hindsight, their heart-breaking semi-final defeat to Ajax in the Europa Cup proved to be a blessing in disguise by allowing them to concentrate on Premiership survival. They are now safe on 41 points and are celebrating Michael Laudrup’s signing for a third season: “It’s my ambition to manage 100 games in the Premier League because few managers have done that”, said the Great Dane, “and the baps in Wind Street are pretty juicy as well”.
In contrast, Cardiff's season has been more chaotic. The mysterious sacking of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer 15 minutes into the game with Swansea proved controversial, as was Vincent Tan’s replacement of him with Neil Kinnock, although it met with approval in some quarters (“Dynamic decision-making at its finest”- the Western Mail, “A top, top man for a top, top, top, top club” — BBC Wales, “wtf?” — The Star). Initially the veteran politician’s powers of oratory inspired Cardiff to a lengthy run in the FA Cup, but that stretched their team to the limit and led to them dropping points in the league.
Consequently, it was probably a good thing for them when Kinnock was given an extensive touchline ban for sexual harrassment of Sian Massey (or perhaps Mike Dean, the recording is unclear). The Cardiff players rallied and began to scrap for points in the league with outstanding performances from keeper David Marshall, Steven Caulker, Gary Medel and especially Craig Bellamy whose stellar performances for his boyhood club caused BBC Wales to make him Wales Sports Personality of the Year without bothering to have a vote. “We wouldn’t want to waste licence payers’ money on what is the obvious choice” said a BBC spokesman while guzzling his Brains S.A.
But now it’s 3 o’clock and the referees in both matches are about to blow their whistles. What is going to happen? What line-up should Laudrup select? And what exactly is the reason that Vincent Tan sacked Ole Gunnar Solskjaer? Peep, peep!
[Post edited 13 Jan 2014 3:48]
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| This is what will happen on 21:53 - Jan 13 with 683 views | Dull1Thomas |
Mine are both dead. |  |
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| This is what will happen on 21:59 - Jan 13 with 672 views | JJJack |
| This is what will happen on 14:14 - Jan 13 by Dull1Thomas |
Just hope it's not :
Two relegation places left and Swansea and Sunderland are left to battle the third place.
Swansea need to win by three clear goals to avoid relegation.
Team news:
Sunderland's top scorer Ki returns after a rest week and is hopeful of adding to his 19 goals for the Black Cats.
Swansea's injury problems are eased with the return to the starting lineup line up of Alvaro Vasquez who is confident he'll get his first Premier League goal this afternoon.
Zabret
Tiendalli Richards (Jazz) Meade Taylor
Rangel March Routledge Lucas Davies (Ben)
Vasquez
Subs
Sheehan deGuzman Tate (recalled from Aberdeen) Curtis Laudrup |
Ki will have pessed off on holiday with his bird by May 11th. Mainly on account of the fact that he cannot play against us anyhow as its against EPL rules. |  | | |
| This is what will happen on 11:10 - Jan 14 with 621 views | talljack |
| This is what will happen on 21:59 - Jan 13 by JJJack |
Ki will have pessed off on holiday with his bird by May 11th. Mainly on account of the fact that he cannot play against us anyhow as its against EPL rules. |
The next episode
The final day, the final matches. Jason Mohammed in the studio is needing powdering from the make up team on a 15 minute loop. In the studio John Hartson and Robbie Savage who have been sat by the director on opposing sides of the studio due to the earlier off camera fracas when Hartson has held Savage roughly by the pony tail and asked him to “kiss my Jack Ass”
The line up for the swans is mysterious — all the best players look to be being saved for the pre season tour of Denmark some 2 months away and the Liberty stadium friendly against Merthyr town — some players have been picked to be played out of position. What can Laudrup be doing?
Sunderland have put out their best side which to be fair is not anyone’s else idea of a best side
The swans huddle together the swans fans hymns and arias ring out.
Sunderland fans can be heard singing “ thou shalt have a fishy on a little dishy”
In Cardiff , out troop the usual suspects this time sporting Vincent Tan’s new kit (red shirt emblazoned with new sponsor 118118 with Malaysian flag patterned shorts and controversially and not without question by the FA dragon diddy boppers, which it has been decided they can only wear out onto the field until the start of the game)
Chelsea fans sing we’ll always be blue and cardiff fans sing back in perfect Malay — we don’t know what we’re doing
Half time Swansea are losing by a goal — a OG by leon britton trying to defend. An uneventful game all round.
Cardiff are losing 6-0 and the crowd has dwindled just leaving an angry mob holding a Malky flag and a marmalade sandwich. Vincent Tan looks down from his box sporting chino over the waist shorts and a Dragon design boob tube and shouts “send in the Lions” pointing toward the player tunnel
What happens next? | | | |
| This is what will happen on 13:50 - Jan 14 with 587 views | Jackhero |
A thoroughly enjoyable read all around this thread, and BODMAS, ahh school days. Never needed it since I have a calculator app on my phone now.  .
May I add in this scenario I think Lee Trundle may make his PL debut as Player manager as Mr Laudrup would have already left for pastures new after securing our premier league status. In charge of team selection he would then pick Alan Tate as our Goalkeeper for the day. |  |
| Tubbs: Will heaven be like Swansea? Edward: Yes, Tubbs. Only... bigger. |
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| This is what will happen on 00:25 - Jan 15 with 512 views | andrew |
Will anyone else be there, celebrating a Sunderland goal? | |
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