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Right lets get one thing straight. Following England cricket at the moment is a bit like watching Dale when they were/are shit. The cricket gets in the way of a good time. We found out about Swann in Shanghai. More reasons not to get excited about why we are really here, but just an inconvenience to the fun that surrounds this entertaining trip. A bit like the 5-0 defeat at Torquay, if you know what I mean.
Right ....post Southend after shots we had devoured plus the newly acquired shocking pink tu-tu that we purloined from a lady in a shocker of a club in Southend we made our way to the convicts out post via Heathrow, bedecked in cricketing whites that turned heads as we strode through Terminal 4. We were giddy as you can understand so photo opportunities we taken ....
We took our seats on the first leg of the trip. Childish games ensued, that never really lost there fun as certain messageboard users insisted on messing with individual TV controllers much to the annoyance of other airline passengers. Anyway I digress... here is a picture of the back of the head rest in front of me for no apparent reason with the customary backs of heads shot...
Flights are boring, especially long haul ones but a bottle of vodka between us helped us fill the dull hours on our way to China. You can only watch the Shawshank Redemption and play Tetris so many time before you get peed off. Shanghai came and delivered little. Its a shit hole trust me... Hundreds of shops selling stuff that even the hardest of crack heads wouldn't want to buy from. To give you an idea there was a shop selling all things Panda, and not a proper bar in sight. We found one, but it was no Cemetery Pub but beggers cant be choosers... and it were dear to...
By now we had befriended a Leicester chap and we got a picture taken with the big fella, see you didn't know he was a bloke from China did you?
A slight delay and we made the last leg. A quieter journey as jetlag and post vodka hangovers took grip and I had the pleasure of sitting next to an Aussie who was actually quiet affable.
10 long hours later we touchdown at HMP Australia. It was raining. Which matched our mood regarding that knob Swann retiring, but I was reliably informed that Melbourne was like that, and one minute it can be cloudy and the next, blazing sunshine.
Once ensconced in the hotel, we did what most respecting English people do when on their hols...find a pub. After much walking we found ourselves in an area of Melbourne, called St Kilda where there are many pubs and bars. Jetlag was really taking a grip by now and we all had our moments when we teetered on the edge of going back to the hotel and never being seen until Xmas eve, but we drank through it and at 4am some 30 hours after we woke up on the Saturday morning in Southend, we finally relented to some 'quality' sleep back at the hotel. Lists of interesting people we met, a Louis Suarez lookalikee who was a bint, a bloke who got chucked out of the same bar 6 times, we met a dirty Burnley fan who we bumped into in one of off the bars bogs. Speaking of bogs, over here they have a bizarre set up when having a slash. They have,what can only be described as a 'cattle grid' infront of the urinal, which raised the question in the bar,do you stand on the grid or before it. Apparently it depends on how well you're hung.
Suffice to say we did Dale proud and we was the last people to leave the bar.
More irrelevant nonsense tomorrow. If we can be arsed.
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